A Flight Attendant’s Philosophy

Deeb Haidar may live in Brooklyn, but he spends half his time in different cities—sometimes even different countries. Since becoming a commercial flight attendant three years ago, Haidar has travelled all over the world for his job, working his way up from less-glamorous destinations to vibrant places that have each come to feel like a second home. Atlas Obscura Community Editor Holyn Thigpen spoke with Haidar about his favorite cities to travel to for work, the hole-in-the-wall spots he’s come to love, and the simple pleasures of a life spent in transit.

Atlas Obscura: What made you want to become a flight attendant?

Deeb Haidar: I used to travel a lot as a kid—mostly the Middle East. I was in Lebanon and Jordan and Kuwait to see family, and when I would go there, I’d be there for so long. Growing up in a Middle Eastern household in the U.S., I was never fully integrated, even though my parents wanted me to be. I was in such a bubble at home that even though I grew up in the U.S., a lot of things were super unfamiliar my whole life.

AO: What kind of routes did they put you on in the beginning? And has that changed over time?

Haidar: Domestic hell. In and out of Ohio—the worst stuff you can imagine. I’m still in my domestic era. I have to fight for everything internationally.

AO: Is that because they’re more likely to give those flights to old-timers?

Haidar: Yeah. I go to LA and San Francisco the most right now. If we’re talking about cities that I feel the most integrated in outside of New York, it’s definitely going to be San Francisco. It feels like such an old city. Even the businesses and the types of establishments they have there—old diners and eateries that are from, like, a hundred years ago—they’re all still there and all the architecture is still intact.

AO: What else do you like about SF?

Haidar: There is such an interesting kind of counterculture that exists in San Francisco once you get past all of these tech bro aesthetics and the tech bro lifestyle. I used to always go to Chinatown there, but there are all these Chinese spots that are not in Chinatown because of how it’s become [gentrified]; they’re in this neighborhood called Inner Richmond. That’s where the legit old school places are. A lot of the Chinese community in San Francisco moved to Inner Richmond from Chinatown. And the intention there is not to attract tourists, which I like.

AO: How did you find out that this is the “real” Chinatown? Was it just through you exploring while you were there on work?

Haidar: I just talked to people, mostly taxi drivers. Taxi drivers are like my lords. They really, really, really do help out. There are some weird ones for sure, so you have to know which ones are actually going to have good recommendations. I always wait to see if they have a family before I start talking to them.

AO: Do you have a routine as far as what you do when you’re there, or do you like to switch it up every time?

Haidar: I’ll get in from my flight, I’ll shower and I’ll change. I’ll put my earrings on. Go to the Mission or to Outer Richmond. I’ve been going to Outer Richmond a lot more often recently, just because I feel like it’s a bit more calm. But the Mission is beautiful because there’s such a vibrant and ever-present Latin diaspora there. Amazing restaurants and all these different cafeterias. You can go around just speaking Spanish.

AO: I love this approach you have, where you’re just immersing yourself in different neighborhoods.

Haidar: I think there’s this “cruise ship mentality” or “Disney park mentality” that’s baked so deep within us now that we just can’t find the magic in places. We’ll go somewhere, like Paris, and be like, “Ugh, I don't like Paris. The people are so mean” and this, that, and the other. And if you press people when they say stuff like that, they’ll just say “Oh, well, I wanted to order this and [the Parisians] just kind of scoffed at me.”

But with those people, it’s always the same thing: They don’t speak French. It’s always that they're not speaking French. And I get it: Obviously not everybody speaks French, but it’s nice to at least try. When I’m in Paris, I don't even try to—like, English never even enters my head. It’s weird because, with Gen Z, we like to claim that we’re the most culturally literate generation and we’re the most forward thinking and all these things, but I’ve seen it a million times where a Gen Z person will go into a cafe and they’ll start speaking English.

As a flight attendant, I see it too. Because when we go to Spain, when we go to Italy—I’ll speak Spanish first; I’ll speak Italian. I see how passengers react to me, and from that alone I can tell how they are when they’re in these countries they’re flying to. I’ll ask someone if they want something to drink in a language, and they’ll respond in super overly articulated English. It is a kind of aggressive thing to do, even though I’m sure they don’t realize it.

AO: You told me before we started that Paris is one of your favorite cities. What are your favorite spots there?

Haidar: My number one favorite is probably this dingy little tobacco shop that has all these slot machines and a coffee bar. I went in there because I needed to use the bathroom. I got a cup of coffee because I thought I had to buy something. (I didn’t. They literally wanted nothing to do with me.) But it was the best coffee I ever had in my entire life. It was run by this old Asian lady and her daughter.

It’s funny, too, because I know people have this expectation of Paris—that there’s a certain type of person and a certain type of establishment. But there are all these different ethnic groups. These are people who immigrated from all over, but they’ve been in Paris longer than we’ve been alive. They’re more Parisian than anyone with a French degree will ever be. Through blood, sweat, and tears, they’ve become Parisian.

AO: So best coffee you’ve ever had and you can use the bathroom for free if need be?

Haidar: If need be. I don’t have the name of it because it’s a very generic place. It’s a random place on a corner. I got a shot of espresso that literally tasted like white chocolate, and it was milky and thick and rich. It was the most incredible coffee of my life. There’s also a boulangerie called La Griotte, and it’s in the 17th [arrondissement].

You go there and everything is plastic and gray and it’s lit horribly. And the pastries there? I’m sure they’re not the best in Paris by a long shot, but you go in there and you feel so welcome. You see commuters come in with their dogs, and you see how that one spot, based on geography alone, has become a fixture in these people’s lives, and it’s embedded so intimately in their lives. And they’re also so kind to you if you try and speak French, even if you sound like an idiot.

AO: This is really warming me up to the Parisians. I think I’m going to have to give them another shot.

Haidar: Oh, definitely. I think everyone needs to give them a shot. It’s become such a thing in America to hate on them. And I’m not saying everyone in Paris is an angel, but I think people who go there just like to believe they’ve had the same experience as others and they convince themselves of that.

AO: What are your other go-to Paris spots?

Haidar: There’s Chez l’copain, which is in the 18th, and it’s a little wine bar. It’s really trendy, cute, super dimly lit with red lights, and everyone’s young and outside smoking a cigarette. Les Vinaigriers is a restaurant that’s in the 10th. It’s a French restaurant. There’s only like four or five things on the menu, and they do it really well and everything is mixed. There are some experimental menu items that have shoyu and stuff in them, which is really cool. So there is a little bit of a mixed flavor there going on. And it’s a really, really cute street corner next to another cafe I haven’t been to yet called Le Flash, which is based off of arcade games. And there’s Le Garçon, which is a cafe, and I’d put that on my list just because of my experience with coming in and saying that I’m bad at French.

AO: They were helpful?

Haidar: It wasn’t that they were guiding you through it; they were just listening to you. They stopped and they listened to you. And everyone in there is French, and there are all these construction workers who are all commuting. Especially if you go in the morning, which I do. And they just sit there and listen to you struggle, but they’re not making fun of you.

I really think French people love Americans. I know it sounds crazy—this is my hot take. They love American stuff. They love burgers. They love McDonald’s. McDonald’s is such a big thing! French people foam at the mouth for McDonald’s. If you go to France and you get a McDonald’s, honestly, you are kind of doing some form of cultural immersion in a way. McDonald’s and Burger King. Those are the two franchises that have been reclaimed by the French.

AO: Are there special French McDonald’s items that you’ve tried?

Haidar: They have the sauce chinoise, which is the Chinese sauce.

AO: Are there any places that you think are overrated in Paris?

Haidar: Oh, yeah. Champs-Élysées, for sure. The whole street.

AO: What about it? It’s just a tourist trap?

Haidar: It’s a tourist trap, and it’s all retail. A lot of European cities have this, and even American cities have it, where it’s the perceived center of a city, but now it has all been replaced by retail. It’s like a non-place. It’s a Zara. It’s a Salomon pop-up. It’s a Louis Vuitton. It’s a Hermes. It’s all these places. And then you’ll see a bistro here and there, and the prices are marked up by thousands. That’s an exaggeration, but still.

Attractions have become the same everywhere you go. The same stores, the same things are there, and you don’t feel like you’ve gone anywhere. And I know some people look for familiarity, and they look for safety, and they look for something that they’re comfortable with. And it’s there for them. But obviously, you’re probably going to come back feeling like you haven’t done anything or you haven’t gotten anywhere. Also, it is kind of overstimulating and really depressing.

AO: You mentioned the 10th arrondissement is an area where a lot of your favorite places are. Are there other areas in Paris where you just really like the vibe?

Haidar: Yeah, the 9th. It’s a more chill part of the town. It’s very residential. There are families about, and what’s great is that it’s not for anybody, you know? That’s why I also like that really ugly gray place—because it’s not trying to be anything trendy. It’s not for you. It’s not for anybody. It’s not for people who visit Paris. And Paris shouldn’t—any city shouldn’t—no one should expect a show to be put on for them like they’re going to Epcot. No one should be expecting to enter a theme park. The 9th isn’t dolled up for anyone because it’s a city. It’s a real place. People live there.

AO: I know you're very much an explore-by-the-seat-of-your-pants person, but is there any spot that you really want to hit next time you're there?

Haidar: There are two places. There’s Le Flash. And then there’s this one cafe that I saw...I took a picture of the street next to it. It doesn’t have a name on the wall, but there are no lights. It’s all natural lighting. And it’s really small, and the seats are cushioned outside. It looks so old, but everyone there is so young. And they look like they know that they’re going to a simpler time. I don’t know...there’s so much I really can’t articulate about some places.

AO: So between San Francisco and Paris, is San Francisco still your favorite city?

Haidar: I mean, just because of how much I’ve travelled there, I’ve made friends. There are people that I go see now.

AO: Just locals you’ve happened to meet?

Haidar: Like, literally, I was in a tiny coffee shop called Grand Coffee and I met one guy named Angel, and he became one of my best friends. We get ice cream together and stuff. There’s a place actually called Garden Creamery and they do all their ice cream flavors from scratch and we get ice cream after he’s done at work. I haven’t paid for a coffee for as long as I can remember when I go in there. It’s the size of half of a bedroom—a tiny coffee shop with four little stools, and it’s a bar, basically. And [Angel] gives me the aux; I don’t pay for coffee, and I bring him ginger beers from the corner store down the street.

AO: I always love those connections I make when I’m traveling that I’m actually able to maintain. That’s so special.

Haidar: It is special because you do feel like you’re creating something. When you travel enough, you feel like you don’t really belong anywhere. And sometimes you have those moments where you’re like, “Wait, maybe I do. Maybe there are people that…” Because I feel like home as a concept is never a place. It’s always people.